Consider Me Gone
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: One-shot about the complications of Amanda's life as a newlywed. Thanks to my friend for the ideas and going back and forth to get this out.


Just a little thing that popped into my head as I was listening to some of my country music the other night. Al is yet a dick, as he is anytime hes in my fics. Thanks to my friend yet again for letting me bounce ideas off her and she comes back and gives me ideas as well. This is a one shot. Im still working on other stories I need to finish and update but when I get ideas I run with them. Reviews are lovely..

**Epilogue...**

**_For newlywed Amanda Rollins, she hadnt changed her last name as Jesse's was Rollins. She and Al hadnt been married that long, three months to be exact. So far she'd been happy. He treated her good and the kids. This was something she thought was best for her and the kids. Marriage represented stability for them and her as well. She wasnt one hundred percent happy but she was a mother and would do anything to make sure her kids had a normal family life. There was just one thing missing..._**

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They hadnt been intimate lately and Amanda missed that. Lacking intimacy hurt cause where Amanda wasnt the most verbal person, this was the way she showed how she was feeling. She was in the mood so she figured she'd set up a surprise for when her husband came home from work. She checked on the kids real quick, both still sound asleep. Still in awe that she had created such beautiful little girls. After that she went and got some candles to set up a romantic surprise for her husband.

She set up the candles. Looking at the clock it had gotten quite late but she understood this, as she was married to a cardiologist. Amanda had laid around in bed for hours as it was late when he finally got home. She had settled on wearing a semi sheer black nightie, it was actually one that he had bought for her. She laid in the candle lights, she had used the little light up ones they had instead of the real candles. She was just starting to give up and doze off when she finally heard her husband come in the door. She knew his routine, locking the door, taking his jacket off and hanging it up. Then hanging his keys up. He walked to the bedroom really hoping his wife wasnt awake. He just didnt want to deal with her.

When he got to the room he saw it was dark but dimly lit with candles. He sighed. He really didnt want to deal with this. He knew what she wanted but he wasnt attracted to her lately. Infact to him lately she had been a turn off. Ever since she had Billie. His eyes landed on his wife as he sneered at the blonde. "Why in the hell are you wearing that shit? You're way too fat to wearing that, especially where that once hot body of yours has been destroyed from childbirth." He picked up one of her shirts on the floor and threw it her. "Cover yourself up, I dont want to see that. The whole point of eating dinner is to not make it come back up, and you looking like that is threatening to make me puke."

"Wow. Well excuse the hell out of me for wearing the lingerie that you, my _husband_ bought for me. I thought since you've had a long stressful day at the hospital that maybe some sex would help you relax." She held the shirt in her hand, refusing to put it on. He scowled at her as his phone went off, a text from his mistress, looking down he text the woman the woman that now was not a good time. That his wife was trying to get sex from him and he was holding down his dinner. Amanda looked at him, she had that hurt look but also that pissed off look as well. She was watching him. He stood looking at her, "What in the hell makes you think I wanted to come home and fuck you?" He made a face letting her know he was completely turned off.

Amanda scoffed incredulously. "Oh so, instead of fucking you since you put it that way. All I wanted to do was make love to my husband who hasn't touched me in fucking weeks. I get to fuck myself. Alright." Her blue eyes blazed. She hastily pulled on the shirt that was thrown at her, grabs her phone and goes to sleep in the kids room. She didnt sleep the best of course, Jesse however was delighted to have woken up to cuddle time with her mommy. She quickly got the girls ready and herself. She didnt want to face Al. His reaction last night and everything he said hurt like hell. She twirled her wedding band and engagement ring on her finger. Right now it just didnt feel right on her hand. It weighed her hand down like everything last night weighed on her heart.

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After twirling the rings on her finger for another minute she took them off and placed them on her dresser. She got Billie in her infant seat, putting the diaper bag on her shoulder. She then leashed up Frannie, grabbed Jesse's hand and they were out. She headed over to the only place that came to mind. She had so much on her mind, she needed someone to talk to.

She gets over to Liv's completely exhausted and says she needs the day off. Liv sees that Amanda has brought the kids and Frannie with her. Seeing her friends exhaustion she promptly takes Billie's carrier and tells them to come inside. Liv then tells Jesse to go play with Noah and that he's in his room. She takes off to find her friend so they can play. When Liv had taken Billie's carrier she noticed Amanda didnt have her rings on. She thinks something has happened, she looked over and saw her friend trying to keep it together with everything in her. Seeing her friend in this shape prompted her to get Lucy to watch the kids and Frannie while she takes Amanda for a much needed day out to unwind and destress.

As they are driving around, Liv got the sense that Amanda really didnt want to go out shopping but just cruise around. Liv asks Amanda where she wants to go for lunch, Amanda gets a bit snappy and says she's not hungry and that she's got enough fat to hold her over. Liv pulled the car over in an empty lot, concerned for Amanda's comment. Liv questioned it lightly cause she knew if she asked the questions in a demanding way that Amanda would shut down and not talk. Amanda just looked at Liv, her eyes soft and full of hurt. "_I'm not so sure on mine and Al's marriage anymore._" She tried not to let the tears fall, but they fell anyway. She felt like the biggest ass. They sat there for most of the day, Amanda had told Liv how the marriage wasnt what it was. They never saw each other, and lately it was petty arguments. She didnt tell her what he said to her, god she replayed it in her head the whole scene as she got lost in her thoughts. All Liv did was sit there and let her talk, it was mostly here and there, as Amanda stayed quiet.

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They spent most of the day there, it was sort of soothing. Amanda didnt talk much but that was okay. She knew the blonde would eventually. What really got Liv was the comment that she had enough fat to hold her over. Liv didnt want Amanda to leave and be alone. Lucy called Liv and told her she had taken the kids to the park, got them dinner and now they were back home. Liv hadnt realized they had been gone as long as they had been. It didnt bother her, Amanda seemed calmer but she still hadnt talked much.

They headed back to Liv's place. Liv still getting that vibe something wasnt right. She didnt want to send Amanda and her family back home to a hostile enviroment. Liv relieved Lucy and as always Lucy told her anytime. The kids hugging their mom's before disappearing to go play since they already had dinner.

Amanda spoke, exhaustion still clear on her face. "_Um, well it's getting late. I've taken enough of your day. Let me get the kids and Frannie and we will head home._"

Olivia didnt want her to leave. Gingerly touching the blonde's shoulder "Honey why dont you stay in for some late dinner. We can watch some movies and just keep this a girls day." Amanda agreed. In all reality she didnt want to go home and face her husband especially after he treated her like that. "Thanks Liv, I appreciate it." Liv smiled hugged her quickly. She guided Amanda to her bedroom so she could get some sweats and a shirt out for her. She figured it would be more comfortable to relax and sleep in, rather than jeans and the shirt she was wearing. "Here sweetie, I think these will fit. Go ahead, change and get comfortable I'm going to go check on the kids." Liv left to go do that and give Amanda some privacy to change. Took her a few minutes. When she had gotten back Amanda was sitting on the bed, she had been so tired she dozed off. She had removed her shirt and the jeans, and was sitting there in the lingerie she had tried to wear for her husband last night. She jolted awake when she heard footsteps come back into the room.

Amanda was embarrassed, her cheeks were pink and she felt her face on fire. "_Oh...My God, Liv.. I-I'm sorry. I think I was exhausted and just dozed for a minute. I'm sorry I'm being repulsive with my fatness in this outfit._" Tears started to trickle down her cheeks. Amanda angrily swatted them away. Olivia takes a seat beside Amanda with the tshirt in hand but she sets it to the other side of her. "Manda...What're you talking about? You look fantastic." Amanda shook her head in disagreement. "_No Liv, I'm fat as hell and my body was ruined from childbirth._" Al had gotten inside Amanda's head and it really bothered Olivia. Liv gently takes her hand, with her other hand she softly cupped the blonde's chin so she looked at Olivia. "Honey. Listen to me when I say this. _You. Are. Beautiful._ And that's the truth. All he did was fill your head with lies when he damn well knew you were self-conscious bout your weight." Amanda nodded gently.

Olivia had her pandora station going. Lately she'd been listening to older soul music. It just so happened that Patti LaBelle's song "Make Tonight Beautiful" had come on. The music played softly in the background.

"**_Make tonight beautiful, Make tonight something more, Than any night I've ever known, In my life before._**"

"**_Make tonight beautiful for me, I need you to make it nice, I want you to hold me close and dont let go, Lay with me and stay with me tonight, Oh, make it beautiful, Make tonight a beautiful night_**"

Olivia leaned in close to Amanda. Her hand was up on Olivia's face. "_Let me make love to you._" Liv whispers. "_What...?_" Amanda was confused by what Liv was saying. Liv finally had to show the blonde her feelings towards her. This was the only way she knew how to. "_Let me show you how I feel about you Manda... How beautiful you are to me... How attracted I am to you... Please let me show you what it feels like when someone who really cares about you makes love to you."_

Blue eyes flickered looking into brown. Their eyes were soft. Amanda nodded. "_Okay..._" She murmurs as their mouths met against each other's in a gentle kiss. Amanda laid back on the bed and Liv followed. Their tongues intertwined with a eager passion and a tenderness. Olivia broke the kiss as her mouth laid kisses all over Amanda's pale skin.

Amanda's breath hitched softly, her fingers entangled in the brunette's locks. Liv's mouth suckled Amanda's breast over the lingerie. Olivia soon pulled the garment up over Amanda's head murmuring beautiful as her mouth kissed against Amanda's breast bone down to her stomach, nibbling against the skin multiple times.

Amanda moaned softly as she felt Olivia's mouth touch her heated center. The blonde's legs were on Liv's shoulders and she kept bucking her hips against the brunette's mouth. Then Liv added two fingers and pumped them slowly. Amanda gasped as she felt Liv's fingers penetrate her. Fingers pumping at a fair pace and her mouth working against Amanda's folds, the blonde was gone. Her body was above herself in complete ecstasy. God how she had missed the touch of another for so long.

Amanda still riding on the ecstasy that Olivia had just given her. Liv came up next to her, satisfied that she had given Amanda some much needed love and attention. As Liv came back up to cuddle with her lover she sees Amanda crying. She hadnt wanted to hurt the blonde or cause her any pain. She just wanted to show her that she beautiful and desirable. Amanda turned to face her, tear stained cheeks, she murmured "_Liv..It's-It's been so long since I've been touched like that... loved like that. Honestly that's the only reason I'm crying._"

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Olivia was glad to know she hadnt hurt Amanda. She cared deeply for the blonde, and by making love to her she had laid her true feelings on the line. But now she was questioning it in her head. What if tonight was it and Amanda went back to Al? After all they were married and had a family.

Amanda felt safe, she felt like this was where she was supposed to be. She however felt a bit like a failure as her marriage wasnt lengthy and here it was falling apart. She wondered if she should ask Al for a divorce or annulment.

As if they both were inside each other's heads, both women spoke simultaneously, "_So what does this mean_?" They both look at each other and laugh. "_Well... I'm gonna talk to Al. Clearly he's with someone else._" Her voice still had a touch of hurt but not much. Olivia nodded. "And...I... Think I want to make something out of this." Olivia murmurs. Amanda cocked her head and softly spoke. She hadnt heard anyone say this to her before. "_You really want something more out of this? But wasnt I unsatisfying? Dont I have too much baggage?_" Liv gently stroked her cheek "We all have baggage in life and Manda...I know we've had out differences in the past but over time we grew together, and I'm now discovering how you felt in the beginning when you first met me. Starstruck and amazed if that makes any sense. I understand you're married and this may be just a one time deal, but I had to let you know my feelings. I think you deserve a hell of alot more than you're getting with Al. If I stepped out of line saying that I'm sorry. But I've seen that man hurt you on more than one occasion and it breaks my heart what he does to you and how he makes you feel."

"_I want more, I want to be treated better, but at the same time I know he prefers skinnier women and that I turn him off. Should I ask him for a divorce?_" Amanda laid on her side facing Liv. "Honey, you cant stay in this marriage anymore. It seems to me the marriage was over on his part but neglected to tell you." Olivia kept messing with Amanda's hair.

"_I know... This marriage was supposed to be my one and only, you know to have my family all together. And look I still screwed it up and we were newlyweds._" Amanda laid flat on the bed, covering her face with her hands as she sobbed. "Hey, no. No. NO you dont get to do that. It was his fault Amanda. He was the jackass who couldnt keep it in his pants, who went around and fucked someone else without saying he didn't love you anymore first."

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Olivia took a hold of Amanda's hand gently. "This is rushing into, but... Amanda, I finally realized I wanted to be with you. You can still have a family. Noah adores Jesse and Billie, and most certainly loves you. I want our families to be as one. I think the kids would love that, and I definitly know I would." Amanda goes to interject and speak, but Olivia keeps talking, she needed to get this out. "I'm not done yet sweetie... but all of what I'm suggesting would be on your terms. I'm here now and I'm going to continue being here. I want everything you seem to want. If you want us to just be some fling where we get together once in a while and take care of our urges with nights of unbridled passion, I can do that too. If you just want to be close friends like we are, we can do that as well. If you want us to turn last night into a promise of a future couple we can do that too. Honey all I'm saying is, whatever you want and or need I'm here. You can take as long as you need to decide. I have all the time and patience when it comes to you.."

Amanda had tears in her eyes as. She got got overwhelmed with her emotions, listening to Liv confess this, and she was scared of what she wanted. She was afraid to lose everything. Olivia pulls Amanda close and cuddles her. "_I do want this... I do want this with you... I want us... But I'm scared. Not of you Liv. You havent dont anything to make me afraid of you._" Liv smiled a bit. "_And you have every right to be darling, there's nothing wrong with that. I want you to know whatever you choose darling I'll be there. No matter what happens._"

Kissing Amanda's knuckles lightly. "Amanda, all I want is for you to be happy and for you to be loved and cared about. Honey my solution to that is... Divorce Al for one. Dont let him have this hold over you. Two, You want forever with somebody... Let me empasize _Somebody _who is going to love and accept you no matter what, and you want someone to love your kids as if they are their own. I know you want somebody to have a family with. I know that you want that more than anything. Hell, you know what I'll marry you to today..."


End file.
